Day whatever

Ok so I've been MIA for a while. At the end of last week I started feeling crappier and crappier. My arms felt like they weighed 100 lbs each and every part of me hurt. I was lightheaded and dizzy. Thursday night Ken woke me up at 11:30pm and was like "are you ok?" besides being annoyed that he woke me up I had no idea what he was talking about. He said "your legs are shaking so bad" and they were. My whole body was shaking. We got up and I had a slice of cheese and a handful of cashews and started to feel a little better. The next morning I was really shaky and weak. So instead of just the milk for the day I decided to eat vegetables and a little bit of meat for some protein. Of course I ended up in the potty so that sucked but I felt better otherwise. Friday night Ken called the Sahdkins place and told them what was happening and the girl just kept telling him that I needed to drink more tea with honey. Well neither he or I was satisfied with that answer and decided that with my insulin issues this just wasn't good for me. So I took off my balls and decided to forge on...on my own. So now I will be attempting to do this on my own, slow and steady and balanced according to my Drs plan. I still feel pretty good right now because I've been eating smaller portions of healthy food but not taking in the crap and messing up the detox I did. I stepped on the scale this morning and it was 253 so I gained a little back but I guess that's understandable since I started eating actual food again. So I'm down 10 from when I started still not bad. I'm going to keep journaling and weigh every Monday morning to track my progress. So I won't be skinny for my wedding but at least I'll feel better!

Day 16

Well today we had a snow day so I've been home with both the girls and another kid. That's enough to make anyone want to eat AND drink! But I've behaved and drank my tea. Today I'm eating baby spinach leaves, cucumbers with green onions and garlic and herb seasoning; and peaches. Nice to have some variety now. Haven't decided what to make for dinner yet.

Day 15

Or at least I think it is. Looks like I haven't posted since Sat. The weekend was fairly uneventful, I got to eat vegetables and fruit over the weekend. Now I am able to eat a bigger variety of fruits and vegetables. So I opted for cabbage, broccoli and watermelon. Ken went bought me some fresh stuff and I made a little salad with the broccoli and cabbage and I chopped up some green onion (that's a free one) and but some garlic & herb seasoning on it. It was pretty good. I wish I could steam the vegetables though, it would taste so much better. I didn't cheat at all over the weekend. Shockingly enough my pants are actually starting to not dig holes in my stomach so that's nice. lol

Monday and today are milk days. Mon I was really hungry I kept forgetting to rub my balls, it gets hard because at work I loose track of time. They have a little timer thing I may get that next time. My coworker brought in these delicious looking brownies yesterday I wanted one so bad. I kept having to talk myself out of it. I swear there is a devil Sonya on one shoulder and an angel Sonya on the other sometimes. I made dinner pork chops and potatoes. I don't care for pork but man I miss potatoes. I <3 potatoes so much! Today hasn't been bad. Brownies are all gone so I don't have to think about those anymore...wheww and I've been better about the ball rubbing. Not sure what I'll make for dinner tonight...maybe Italian sausage. Oh that reminds me...last night Ken sat on the floor with his dinner, I looked at him weird and said "what are you doing on the floor?" he said he didn't want to make it any harder for me and he felt bad sitting next to me with food in my face. Isn't he great?

I'm taking the vitamin supplements now. Good Heavens there are so many I hate taking all this medication but supposedly it will give me anything I'm missing and all kinds of energy. Not sure when that'll kick in... cause I could take a freaking nap right now. The Soy  milk is actually starting to grow on me. Whodathunk?

Second ten days of ball placement

Day 12

I'm getting behind on my posts...so this is from Saturday. I stuck with the diet most of the day. My mind was preoccupied and I kept forgetting to rotate the balls. So I ended up really hungry. I got really upset and went in my room and cried. Ken came in and rubbed my back. I finally calmed down but admittedly I was very unhappy. I got up later and was cleaning the kitchen (Ashley is sick) and I had a little bit of the tater tot casserole I made for dinner. It was really good but once again last night my stomach cramped bad and I ended up in the bathroom again this morning.

The actual doing of the diet is not really hard it's the mental part of it. Well my mental part of it. It's hard to make dinner for my family and not eat it with them. It's hard not going out to lunch with my coworkers. It's hard to not be able to go out with friends because there is always food involved. But I have to stick with it. I have to loose this weight. It's not about being unhappy for a few months from not eating it's about living the rest of my life happy and healthy for my family. 

Day 11

So yesterday was day 11. The first 10 days were complete. When I got up in the morning I stepped on my scale and according to that I had lost 10 lbs. Went through the day just fine. After work I had my appt at the Sahtkins place. When I got there I stepped on the scare it it reflected only 9 lb loss. So ok, I know that 9 or 10lb loss in 10 days is amazing but I'm still disappointed because this thing promises a 5% - 10% of your body weight lost in the first 10 days. Well I didn't get to either and other than the ho ho I did everything exactly as they said. 

So after I get off the scale the lady replaces my balls with new ones that are lower behind my ear lobe. The last ones were to detox my stomach and liver. These ones detox the small and large intestine. As she's doing it she says "so what did you eat that you weren't supposed to?" so I told her about the ho ho incident. She says "eww a ho ho, of all the things you ate some processed sugary junk, so what else did you eat?" "nothing everything else I did exact" "oh ok, well 9lbs is great!" she clearly didn't believe me, which made me a cross between upset and angry. So she tells me about the next 10 days. The balls now have to be rubbed every hour and a half and then at 4 and 7. She went over the additional fruits and vegetables I can have and that I need to walk every day now. Ok, so I'm walking out and she's in front of me and we get to the lobby where there are about 8 or so people at and she yells "SONYA LOST 9LBS IN 10 DAYS WOOOHOO!!!" everyone turns and stares at me, a few clap. Now I know in hindsight that she was probably trying to make me feel good and motivate the people in the lobby but anyone who knows me knows that made me instantly ANGRY. I absolutely loathe that sort of attention and people starring at me. I wanted to trip the skinny bitch!

So as I'm driving I'm trying to concentrate on the fact that I just lost 9 or so lbs in a short time but all I could think about was I've been busting my ass, eating nothing basically and that's all! Now I know that I feel better and I sleep better and my stomach doesn't hurt all the time but still. So I'm pleased and disappointed all at the same time. Weird I know.

I get home and Ken is all excited waiting to talk about how fabulous I am and I'm not really feeling it. Anyways he picked up a pizza for him and the girls. I'm starving so I ask Ken to give me a bite and he says no it won't do me any good. WRONG! Now I want it. I don't like being told no. He leaves later to get a coffee and I'm cleaning up the kitchen and put something in the frig away and I see the pizza box and grab a slice and eat it. I wasn't sneaking it, I knew he would know there was one gone and ask me. I don't really freaking care at this point. It was so damn good. Not cheap greasy pizza. Later were watching a movie and he goes and gets the pizza and says "did you eat a slice?" YEP! He said nothing. That was smart.

This morning around 5am I woke up with horrible stomach cramps and had to go potty. It was ugly and I shouldn't have eaten the pizza but whatever it is what it is. I'll start over and hope for the best.

I also got the supplements yesterday, I have to take a ton of them which I'm not very happy about but they say I'll have lots more energy. Yesterday's cost $125. $75 for the 2 minute office visit and $50 for the supplements. Ouch. Glad Ken is paying and not me.

Picture of my left ball ;)

Day 9

Today was a food day so it was nice to have something to chew. I can chew sugar free gum but I have problems with my jaw locking so I only do that when absolutely necessary. Today was a fairly easy day. Made ravioli for the family, I miss pasta. lol I think that my cheating meltdown has actually helped me not want food as much so that's good. Ken went to the store and got me some more tea, Chai and Vanilla yumm can't wait to try them.

No cheating!

Day 8

Day 8 was pretty uneventful. Went to work, drank milk, rubbed the balls. It was a pretty good diet day. No cheating!

I made Cheeseburger Macaroni Hamburger Helper for dinner today since Ken and the girls are always bugging me for it and I don't like it cause you may as well just take the salt container and pour it down your throat. Ken looks at me and says "wow it's alot saltier than I remember, guess because I'm used to eating home cooked meals now". Just proves MOM knows best!

Day 7

Well it started out REALLY bad but got better. I have these dreams all the time about Ken telling me he can't marry me because of my weight or he can't bear to be intimate with me because I'm so hideous. Of course in real life he would never do or say anything like that. But my dreams are very real and I get pretty upset. I hadn't had one in a while but last night I did. It was an awful one, it involved another girl, etc... anyways in my hormonal nightmare state I woke up and got all upset. I stepped on the scale figuring I would have lost more weight and it would make me feel better. Well I didn't loose any more in the last 2 days and I lost it and ate a pack of ho ho's. Almost instantly I felt sick to my stomach and started crying. My body did not like that crappy food and I was so absolutely disgusted with myself for reacting the way I did. But you know I didn't get this fat by not being an emotional eater. I text Ken saying that I screwed up and he called and talked me down (it's a miracle this man hasn't run screaming from the hills). I pulled it together and went to work where there was more food...this time including donuts from the meeting. But I didn't even think about eating it because after how sick physically and emotionally I got earlier. I wasn't really hungry today and just drank my soy milk. My coworker next to me ate a very good smelling lunch today but it didn't bother me as much as it has before. So maybe my bad experience this morning actually has a silver lining. 

So Day 7 and I cheated but learned a good lesson, hopefully it doesn't set me back too much.