Monday, January 24, 2011

Day 7

Well it started out REALLY bad but got better. I have these dreams all the time about Ken telling me he can't marry me because of my weight or he can't bear to be intimate with me because I'm so hideous. Of course in real life he would never do or say anything like that. But my dreams are very real and I get pretty upset. I hadn't had one in a while but last night I did. It was an awful one, it involved another girl, etc... anyways in my hormonal nightmare state I woke up and got all upset. I stepped on the scale figuring I would have lost more weight and it would make me feel better. Well I didn't loose any more in the last 2 days and I lost it and ate a pack of ho ho's. Almost instantly I felt sick to my stomach and started crying. My body did not like that crappy food and I was so absolutely disgusted with myself for reacting the way I did. But you know I didn't get this fat by not being an emotional eater. I text Ken saying that I screwed up and he called and talked me down (it's a miracle this man hasn't run screaming from the hills). I pulled it together and went to work where there was more food...this time including donuts from the meeting. But I didn't even think about eating it because after how sick physically and emotionally I got earlier. I wasn't really hungry today and just drank my soy milk. My coworker next to me ate a very good smelling lunch today but it didn't bother me as much as it has before. So maybe my bad experience this morning actually has a silver lining. 

So Day 7 and I cheated but learned a good lesson, hopefully it doesn't set me back too much.

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